Insights.

So every time I speak with someone in America, I hear a request for a blog update (here it is!). Now, it should be known that I have started a number of different posts all saved on my computer but haven’t actually finished and posted them. This one is fresh.

The reason for my lack of completion of a blog post is three-fold. One, since moving to Armenia I’ve learned that my perfectionist tendencies are the biggest hindrance on many things in my life, one being my writing. Two, when it was told to me that my experience as a PCV was going to be like a roller coaster, I thought “duh.” Then I realized that this roller coaster goes beyond all theories of physics and the twists and turns have presented themselves at a pace that until now I did not know existed on the Earthly plane. That said, every blog post that I’ve begun seems ancient the next moment I attempt to finish it. Thirdly, this language balance is hard for me. My brain has had difficulty in switching from one language to another; most of my day is filled with extremely simplified terms and ideas and at a certain point, you have to let some of the more complex thoughts wash away in your mind and just hope that someone gets your gist. And this may tie in with my first reason, but when I write (in English), some of those more complex terms insist on putting themselves out there, only to find that they’re more jumbled in my brain than they used to be in the days of using one language in my life.

So. I’ve been living in my village for approximately one month now. The village is extremely small, my estimate is the size of a football field. We have a huge highway running through it and a twenty minute marshutni ride will take you into the middle of the capital city, Yerevan. There are definitely plusses and minuses to my situation, as everyone has them. There is a definite plus being so close to Yerevan. The city has all the fun things you would expect a city to have: bars, clubs, restaurants, cafes, shops, groceries, and the rumor is: even concerts. Additionally, at some point or another, every volunteer needs to visit the city and I am hoping (once I have my own place) that I can offer comfortable accommodations to those in need of a place to sleep. Another plus is that integration in a village is far, far easier than it would be if I were living in a larger town. There is no English spoken in my village, as there is no English being taught in the local school. Therefore, I have been speaking more Armenian and have had the opportunity to know a number of neighbors who have been extremely kind and welcoming. I have had many coffee breaks with a number of people who have done nothing but ensure my comfort and exude patience with my process of learning the culture and language. For it, I am extremely grateful.

Some of the not-so-fun points lie in that living in such a small place can be a bit claustrophobic at times. At this point, I still have another few weeks with my host family (who are AMAZING), but there is definitely something to be said in having control over things like cooking, eating, having company, etc. In addition, there is a lack of nature here. Due to my proximity to the capital city and that there are no roads leaving the village aside from the highway, I have no real forests to explore, mountains to hike, or bodies of water to enjoy. It never occurred to me that this would be the case, but alas. My positive spin on this aspect is that it will encourage me to visit other volunteers throughout the country, become comfortable with traveling, and embracing the opportunity to see what a beautiful country I live in.

There are other things completely unrelated to my site that have proven to be challenging. The thing that has been most difficult for me here has been the eating. The food is good but of course, there are times I miss my American meals. Having white bread three times a day, often with potatoes can be rough. The variety of vegetables that are typically in use here are: eggplant, tomato, and cucumber. Sometimes onions and greens are around, but not nearly as often as the aforementioned. In addition, it is an extreme challenge to say no when there is food on the table. And there is always food on the table. I am a pretty healthy eater and I still hear: “Why are you not eating?” or “Just eat a little” or “But it’s so delicious!” or “You don’t have to be hungry to eat this.” And beyond this, I have to say "no" or "no thank you" sometimes five, six, seven, eight times during the meal or coffee break. Never did I think that eating can be so exhausting! I am sure that things will change once I move into a house of my own which will likely be in about three weeks. I never was a big fan of cooking, but it’s something I now dream about! ;)

But the overall truth is, there are a million and one other things I could say but could never paint a full picture of my life in Armenia as a Peace Corps Volunteer. There are days where I feel like a total outsider who will never get a hang of the language or culture, then my host mom will say she’s baked a cake and we’ll have a great conversation over coffee about our dreams and what life is like in America and what life is like in Armenia and I remember why I’m here, and all of a sudden my heart is flooded with love and joy; like I could never imagine being any other place that right here, right now. I am so thankful for this challenge that has not ceased in showing me aspects of myself that are have been in desperate need for reformation, but that is for another blog post. I will say however, that I’ve learned there isn’t time to worry, just to take each moment as it comes and be thankful for it; this is going to be two years that I will reflect upon for the rest of my life. I’m going to live it to the fullest.